Donn Trenner, 91, estimates that two-thirds of his friends are dead. “That’s a hard one for me,” he said. “I’ve lost a lot of people.” As we age, we not only lose friends, but face the daunting task of making new friends. And it turns out that friendship plays a critical role in health and well-being, according to recent findings from the Stanford Center on Longevity Sightlines Project. Socially isolated elders face health risks comparable to those of smokers, and their mortality risk is twice that of obese individuals, according to the study. Being disengaged from friends, family members and neighbors can make building new friendships even harder, said Laura Carstensen, director of the Stanford Center on Longevity. “If we’re disengaged, it’s going to be harder to make new friends,” she said. “Friendship is not to be taken for granted,” said Trenner, a pianist. “You have to invest in friendship.” Even … [Read more...] about How to make new friends as you lose the old
Makes new friends
By CAROLYN HAX (Adapted from a recent online discussion.)Dear Carolyn: I would like to understand how people make new friends when they are in their mid-50s. Where are they going, or what activities are they doing, to make and keep interesting friends? What’s the secret I have not learned? I believe I am flexible, adventurous, a good listener, creative, outgoing and fun. I am interested in their lives. I want to know: Why they chose the field they are in? Why they live in this area? What are their hobbies? Are politics important to them? What types of food do they like? I do not ask all these questions at once but over time to show interest in their lives. At the gym, people seem to be with people they know or working out by themselves. On group hikes, I have found people are with people they already know and do not seem to be interesting in adding to their circle of friends.-- Making FriendsHax: The older I get and the more relocations I have behind me, the more I believe habit … [Read more...] about Carolyn Hax: Is it just me or is it nearly impossible to make new friends after age 50?
A poll from Pemco Insurance finds that Pacific Northwesterners subscribe to the “no new friends” philosophy. According to the findings, released in April, 40% of residents of Oregon and Washington told Pemco that it is "not too important, or even not at all important, for them to make new friends.”On the other side, only 24% said “it’s very or extremely important to make new friends.” The Seattle-Times calls this phenomenon the "Seattle Freeze,” which is interesting given that the Pemco results show Oregonians are even less interested in new friends than Washingtonians.According to Pemco, 27% of Washington residents said making new friends was extremely or very important to them, while only 21% of Oregon residents gave the same answer. And 38% of Washington residents said it was not too or not at all important for them to make new friends, whereas 42% of Oregon residents said the same thing.As a person who almost exclusively hangs out with … [Read more...] about Oregonians aren’t here to make (new) friends
Dear Annie: I’m heading to college next year and am scared of making new friends. While I don’t have trouble talking to new people or getting along with most of them, I feel like none of them will understand my weirdness the same way my high school friends do.My parents and I moved here from a different country, and my current group feels like my family because they are the ones who taught me American mannerisms and accept me for my neuroticism and other quirks. I even talked about the fact that it took me a week to learn what "knock on wood" meant in my college essays! While I know that we will still remain friends after we are spread out across the country, it obviously won't be the same, and I know it is unhealthy to latch onto old friendships and hold them in the same regard as they were before. How do I find a comparable group of people in college? I don't want to go through the same thing I did in the beginning of high school, where I bounced around groups for a year … [Read more...] about Dear Annie: I’m worried about making new friends at college
“The Walking Dead’s” grave new world just got a whole lot bigger. Sunday night’s episode “Knots Untie” revealed that our new friend Jesus is not, in fact, one of Negan’s henchmen, but rather a member of a separate community - that trades with other organized communities! - and which offers the tantalizing prospect of crops and medicines to swap, and even an obstetrician to ensure that mommy-to-be Maggie’s labor and delivery will be less tragic than Lori’s was. Even as Rick and company realize that it’s time to broaden their horizons, Abraham struggles with his feelings for Sasha (and allowing himself to hope for a future of living, rather than just surviving) and the easier, immediate gratification of Rosita (and taking things a day - if not a minute - at a time.) Let’s dive in. On the Abraham-front, he’s been assigned daily patrol with Sasha. The two of them enjoy an easy rapport and flirtation after … [Read more...] about ‘The Walking Dead’ recap: Rick’s group makes new friends – and enemies