Dear Amy: My fiance is a very smart and caring man. He recently started a new job in CBD/marijuana, which is legal in our state.
He works with both medical and recreational product.
He is incredibly excited to have a job that, for the first time in his life, directly helps people. He’s worked with epileptics whose seizures have stopped, and people with chronic anxiety who are able to manage their symptoms better. He gets thank you letters regularly from people whose lives have changed from this herb. (Note: there are many ways to use marijuana that do NOT involve smoking or vaping.)
Unfortunately, my parents completely shut him down anytime he tries to talk about his job. Their eyes glaze over as if he is peddling snake oil.
Despite being liberal, they have made it clear they do not see it as legitimate work, even though it’s legal, profitable and helping people.
He isn’t even pushing anything on them, just sharing his experience the way anyone in a new job does! They’ll even say, “Well, I disagree” when he states a fact like “marijuana can help PTSD.”
To make matters worse, they asked us not to share with our grandparents what he does for a living. At Christmas this year, they’ll want to hear about his new job, but we’re supposed to lie.
My grandparents don’t see the difference between marijuana and heroin. It’s ridiculous. And everyone in our family drinks alcohol, by the way.
Should we go along with the lie? Or should he proudly explain his new job when asked?
Dear Wondering: Your husband should not lie. However, if he knows that these various family members of yours believe that he is peddling snake oil — or a drug akin to heroin — he will know in advance how they will react to his new sales job.
If they are as set in their opinions as you say, then his evangelism will mean nothing to them. During this transition period where many states are legalizing THC marijuana, there seems to be confusion about CBD products, which do not contain the “drug,” and marijuana products which do.
I am one of many people who have discovered some benefits of using CBD (in my case, for insomnia), but — if people don’t accept or understand these possibilities, then they have the right to reject them.
He gets to make a choice about whether he cares about their opinion of his profession. I suggest that he should enter these family conversations feeling confident and good about what he is doing, and not attach too much to their reactions.
Dear Amy: Should we go to my nephew’s wedding — even though his enraged parents (my in-laws), never showed up for our kids’ weddings?
(However, to be fair, our nephew was always there for our kids.)
We just can’t decide whether we should attend this celebration.
Dear Upset: You don’t say why these in-laws are so enraged, but you sound pretty steamed, yourself.
Yes, you should attend your nephew’s wedding. His wedding is not about his parents, but about him. The way to start to turn around a toxic family dynamic is to show up for family members, and behave differently than they have behaved toward you.
Dear Amy: I’m responding to the letter from “Loving Husband,” whose wife wanted to keep her cancer diagnosis private, partly for fear her business clients would abandon her.
In the spring of 2016, I was diagnosed with Stage 2 male breast cancer.
I had surgery, chemotherapy and radiation treatments from the beginning of May though the end of November.
I opted to share my diagnosis and be upfront with my clients about what I was dealing with.
All were initially supportive, and I continued to work with them around the medical appointments and the after-effects.
Only one client left me; I had gone through my third chemo treatment and had to cancel a meeting. His lack of compassion, despite all of his so-called support and prayers, quickly came through. I haven’t seen him since.
My message is that if a client leaves you in the middle of your battle with cancer, they probably aren’t worth having as a client.
Dear Survivor: According to the American Cancer Society, breast cancer in men is extremely rare, but has a higher mortality rate than in women because of late detection.
Your note should encourage men to have any breast lumps checked. Your own openness about the disease may have helped to save others.
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