Matchmaker Lydia Davis is used to holding her nervous male clients’ hands through the process of finding a woman to love. She has to offer them some fairly basic advice: remember to ask questions about her day, show you’re interested by flirting — and don’t make or take phone calls in the middle of your date.
But Lydia also regularly has less standard suggestions for her clientele: ‘No flying to Paris for your first date. Do not order Cristal champagne to be delivered to your table by a procession of staff carrying flares. And having three mobile phones laid out, face up, next to your main course is not acceptable.’
You see, Lydia’s shy and lonely clients are the last men you’d think would have trouble attracting a partner. They are some of the City’s most powerful executives and bankers, aged in their 30s, 40s, 50s and sometimes 60s.
When you visualise a male banker — educated, intelligent, sharp-suited, go-getting (and did I mention wealthy?), unlucky in love probably isn’t part of the picture.
Matchmaker: Many of Lydia’s (pictured centre) clients are City gents who work punishingly long hours
But in her ten-year career as a matchmaker, Lydia has been contacted by so many of these men she has now started a service, Lynk, dedicated entirely to helping them overcome dating hurdles.
The biggest problem, she says, is the way they are seen by many women, purely because of the work they do.
‘City boys definitely get a bad name,’ she says. ‘They are labelled “w****r bankers” — hardly someone you would want to date.
‘Women judge them based on an outdated stereotype of hedonistic bad boys. They are also typically ambitious, successful and under a lot of pressure, leaving little time for dating. And while they are confident in business, some can be surprisingly shy or awkward romantically.’
Many may have been quite happy in their 20s, and even well into their 30s, to wine and dine a string of trophy girlfriends. But when it comes to settling down, they are looking for an equal: someone educated, professionally successful, well-travelled and able to chat confidently at a dinner party.
‘A lot of investment bankers concentrate on their careers at the expense of their love lives,’ says Lydia. ‘They might not have time to join clubs where they could meet someone, nor do they want colleagues seeing them on online dating sites.
‘So they end up coming to me, saying: “I don’t have time to find the right person. Can you help?” They have reached the stage of asking themselves, what’s the point in having all this money if you can’t share it with someone?’
Luckily for them, Lydia — who has previously set up two dating services aimed at successful professionals — knows lots of highly eligible women.
‘Over the years I have grown a large network of lovely single women,’ she says. ‘I’ve chosen to help out City boys because when they are ready to meet the right person, men are really much easier to match.
‘That’s because women are more likely to take a chance on someone who is ready to commit without judging them on superficial things, whereas men really do judge women on their looks.’
All Lydia’s clients are looking for more than just a fling — in fact, she says, most are thinking about children sooner rather than later. Since this can be a tricky subject to raise in the early weeks, or even months, of dating, she always asks prospective matches what their hopes are in that department.
She only takes a fee from the bankers, not their matches. And her City clients are largely male, although she has had a couple of female clients from the Square Mile.
A heartfelt plea from the men who want FEMAIL to help find their match
Tom Setchell, 36, is a City company director, on a six-figure salary, plus bonuses.
‘I signed up to Lydia’s agency a couple of months ago because I’ve reached an age when I want somebody to share my life — and, ideally, have a family.
Meeting the right woman aged somewhere between 25 and 40 would be great.
I used to work all hours, but when I was 27 I got a nasty virus which developed into ME, and for three years I had no energy.
Tom Setchell, 36, is a City company director, on a six-figure salary, plus bonuses
For the past few years I’ve been doing 40 to 50-hour weeks and spending a couple of evenings at the gym and another couple with friends, as well as online dating.
I got in touch with Lydia because I found the women I met online tended to hide issues such as jealousy or anger, whereas a matchmaker knows the person they are setting you up with.
She has introduced me to a couple of lovely women but I’m yet to meet “The One”.’
Erwin Beckers, 48, is deputy chief auditor for a financial clearing house in the City, and a divorcé who earns up to £100,000 including perks.
‘I was married for 15 years and, after struggling to conceive, we found out I’m infertile. That, and our thwarted efforts to adopt, led to the breakdown of my marriage ten years ago.
Erwin Beckers, 48, is deputy chief auditor for a financial clearing house in the City, and a divorcé who earns up to £100,000 including perks
Since then I’ve had one 18-month relationship and others that lasted a few months. I got in touch with Lydia because I’m looking for an equal to enjoy the rest of my life with.
Professionally, I’m an extrovert but asking a woman on a date is a challenge.
Although I’m comfortably off, I don’t flaunt my money. I like listening to live music, I play golf and watch football, and I’d enjoy going to plays, musicals and stand-up comedy with a partner.’
Think you’d be perfect for one of Lydia’s eligible men? Tell us why at [email protected]
She charges £2,500 for up to five introductions over five months, while a more bespoke service starts at £3,000 for those looking for something specific: a certain ethnicity or the ability to speak fluent Japanese, for example.
One of her success stories is 45-year-old Orlando, a 6ft tall, handsome, dark-haired investment banker. A childless divorcé, he is keen to have a family while he still feels young enough.
With an annual salary of half a million pounds, plus bonuses, Orlando is a work-hard, play-hard type who puts in 12-hour days at work but also loves travelling to the Maldives, Mauritius and Southern California. He has a beautiful three-storey terrace home in West London and an Audi R8 parked in his driveway.
Although he had enjoyed sowing his wild oats since his divorce four years ago, Orlando realised the women he was meeting were not the sort he wanted to settle down with.
‘He told me good looks weren’t as important as whether the woman, like him, took good care of herself physically,’ says Lydia. ‘He enjoys going to the gym and golfing and wanted a partner who understood that.
‘She needed to be educated and able to hold her own in a conversation about current affairs, independent but open to sharing her life.
‘He’d met women through dating apps but never got past the second or third date, partly, I suspect — until I pointed out the error of his ways — because he would leave his various work phones out on the restaurant table, in case of urgent calls.
‘This can be incredibly off-putting, so I told him it was a definite no-no on dates I arranged for him. If he had to take an important call, I told him to apologise and prepare his date in advance, then excuse himself for the minimum time possible.’
When Lydia first matched him with a woman, Orlando suggested taking her to Paris — booking separate hotel rooms — for their first date.
Lydia explained that, while romantic in theory, this was way over the top.
‘I helped him see that it would be intimidating for her, while setting a standard that isn’t sustainable even for someone as wealthy as him,’ says Lydia.
‘Also, if the date didn’t work out, it wouldn’t be so easy for either of them to call it a night.’ Orlando and the third woman Lydia matched him with, a 39-year-old account manager with a PR firm, have now been successfully dating for five months.
‘They both have a great sense of humour,’ says Lydia. ‘She has to travel a fair bit for work, so she understands his commitment to his job.’
After one more month of dating, their match will be considered a ‘success’ and, should Orlando come knocking at Lydia’s door again, he will have to pay a new fee for her time.
Lydia, 37, met her own husband Dave, an army officer, the old-fashioned way when they were introduced by mutual friends at a christening. The couple are expecting their first baby, a girl, in February.
But she feels for those who are less fortunate.
Another of Lydia’s clients is Peter, 50, who works in private equity and reached middle age without ever having found true love.
Peter is 6ft 2in tall and has never been married. While he feels he has missed the boat for being a dad, he’d be happy to settle down with a woman who is already a mum.
Despite having a hugely successful career and a million-pound annual income, Peter lacked confidence and the feedback Lydia received from women she matched him with was that his lack of flirting left them feeling uncertain.
‘These men work in a testosterone-fuelled world,’ says Lydia. ‘It can be hard leaving that behind. Instead of being tactile or paying compliments, Peter resorted to grand gestures — such as ordering a bottle of Cristal champagne, delivered with enormous fanfare by a procession of staff, in the club he took his dates to.
‘This made the women feel rather self-conscious. But actually Peter is quite introverted — I had to explain to him that, if he went in for a kiss on the third successful date, he was unlikely to be rejected.’
Peter’s favourite way to spend his leisure time is not scuba- diving in Mustique but visiting art galleries and walking in the Scottish Highlands.
Last time she heard from him, six months ago, Peter was still dating a woman she set him up with, who is in her 40s with a teenage son. She works in event management.
Another client, in his mid-30s, had to be given a good talking-to after a woman Lydia matched him with complained that he had offered her ‘a little pick-me-up’ on their second date, perpetuating the image of the cocaine-fuelled City boy.
‘It never occurred to me that anyone would do this, so we hadn’t had a conversation about how inappropriate it would be,’ says Lydia. ‘It helped to explain why the only women he’d had success with in the past were what he called “party girls”. Let’s just say he knows now.’
She has also had to tell clients to avoid talk about the latest deals they’ve done at work, or the sports car they recently bought, as few of the women they meet are from the same world.
Lydia encourages her clients to try shared experiences instead, such as upmarket bowling alley All Star Lanes, crazy golf or table tennis. For those who prefer less active pursuits, she suggests visiting art galleries or wine-tasting sessions.
‘There is no way of determining whether two people will fall in love. But I get to know them, interview them and they fill out questionnaires,’ says Lydia.
‘I know they are sufficiently well-matched that they won’t have a bad date. I just can’t guarantee the chemistry will be there.’
Of course, there is the occasional gold-digger out there who finds a wealthy banker irresistible — Lydia says there are certain bars in the City that are a magnet for such women.
‘They are looking for someone to fund a lifestyle they think they would rather like,’ says Lydia. ‘And there are also bankers who love spending their money on a woman and ultimately want a wife who is happy to have a family and not work.
‘So you have to find the right person for them. And never judge.’
lynkcoaching.co.uk. Clients’ names have been changed.
- Are You Ready to Meet Your Fixer Uppers?
- Ndamukong Suh will always love Detroit, and crushing the Lions
- New Nixa Public Schools superintendent Gearl Loden settles into job
- Will Kansas City Chiefs’ Clark Hunt bring home his father’s AFC trophy?
- Twin Cities media women stay (mostly) calm when being trolled on social media
- Here Are 21 LGBTQ Celebrity Coming-Out Stories That Shaped 2018
- A Boston Symphony Orchestra flutist was paid $70,000 less than a male counterpart. She sued.
- Get your true love the 'Twelve Days of Christmas' gifts
- ‘I Am the Woman Trump Hates’: Meet Sherrod Brown’s Louder Half
- Here's everything you need to know before the 2019 Sundance Film Festival
- 10 surprising cities where a $60G income can buy you a nice home
- The Young Texans Helping Turn Refugees into Americans
|SO&CO New York Men's 5025.3 Yacht Black Dial Date Luminous Hands and Markers Stainless Steel Link Bracelet Watch3.7★ / check it now at Amazon||Skmei Unisex Sporty Led Digital Watch with Alram,stopwatch,day Date in Orange Color5.0★ / check it now at Amazon||SO&CO New York Men's 5025.1 Yacht Black Dial Date Luminous Hands and Markers Stainless Steel Link Bracelet Watch3.8★ / check it now at Amazon||Stuhrling Original Unisex 522.04 Leisure Collection Gen X Liberty Date Red White and Blue Canvas Strap Watch check it now at Amazon||Readeel His-and-hers Stainless steel Date Watch Silver and Golden Band & Diamond-encrusted Golden Case For Lovers, Couple Watch3.3★ / check it now at Amazon||Citizen Men's Quartz Watch BF0580-57L with Day (in Eng and Span) & Date5.0★ / check it now at Amazon||RICOH watch SHREWD AMBITION solar rechargeable analog display day, date display manly and silver 759002-02 men's watch5.0★ / check it now at Amazon||Paris Watch Silicone Silver Fashion Quartz Calendar Date for Women and Men Designed in France Unisex4.0★ / check it now at Amazon||Cute Stick Figure Couple Love Bugs Hard Plastic Snap On Case for iPhone 5/5S (Black)$3.99||How To Go Out On a Date In Queens / Similan Line / Monkey Love - Triple Feature3.2★ / $9.99||Inside Buffalo. (They served America when America was not to ready to serve them)5.0★ / $195||Six Figures check it now at Amazon||Disney - Star Wars The Empire Strikes Back Six Figure Play Set check it now at Amazon||WWE Wrestling Classic Superstars Series 13 Action Figure Brother Love$136.99||TNA Wrestling Deluxe Impact Series 5 Action Figure Angelina Love check it now at Amazon||Furyu Cardcaptor Sakura: Sakura Kinomoto Special Figure Series "Lovely Kitten"$76.73||Dino Piranha Plush Doll Super Mario Brothers Figure Collectible Lovely Gift Animal Doll Flower check it now at Amazon||Final Fantasy VII Collectible Edition (box set with six figures) check it now at Amazon||Littlest Pet Shop Shimmer N Shine Figure #2151 Love Bug$29.99||Olivia The Pig Mini Figure - Puppy Love check it now at Amazon||Fisher Price Loving Family Caucasian Figures: Grandpa, Grandma, Dad, Mom, Brother, Sister and Toddler check it now at Amazon||Doctor Who 'Stone Dalek' Six Figure Set with Exclusive Underhenge Drone Dalek Figure$299.99||Only At Home Love You Forever Felt Figures for Flannelboard Stories - Precut & Ready to Use$16.99||Pink Floyd the Wall Series 2 Action Figure Maquettes LE Collectors Display Box Six Figure Set check it now at Amazon||Sesame Street Exclusve Valentines Day Talking Plush Figure Elmo Loves You check it now at Amazon||Doctor Who - 5" Action Figure Six Figure Gift Pack (series3)5.0★ / check it now at Amazon||How To Earn Six-Figures In Network Marketing check it now at Amazon||We Are They Who Ache With Amorous Love$15.99||Six Pack of Love check it now at Amazon||GULICX Figure 8 Lovely Hoop Pierced Huggie Earrings Clear Zircon Crystal Silver Tone Girls Gift Prom check it now at Amazon|
They boast six-figure salaries, love extravagant dates in Paris and are ready to settle down. So how come City alpha males need this woman to help them find love? have 2719 words, post on www.dailymail.co.uk at November 13, 2019. This is cached page on USA Posts. If you want remove this page, please contact us.